Valentine’s Day has passed, and for many singles, that’s a relief. This annual celebration of romantic love and marriage can be an in-your-face reminder of what you don’t have at this point in life, which can trigger feelings of disappointment, loneliness, shame, and powerlessness.
If you experienced these feelings on Valentine’s Day, I’m sorry–they’re no fun. But I also want to offer you some encouragement. First, instead of stuffing or stewing in these unpleasant emotions, I urge you to identify and own the true, good desires of your heart. The desire for marriage is a good desire. If you have that desire, you can be confident that your good Father wants to satisfy that desire in the best possible way. Second, I urge you to be courageous in taking steps as a single to become a healthy person who can uphold your end of a healthy relationship.
The most important thing you can do to prepare for marriage is to invest in becoming a healthy person.
Being a healthy person starts with having a healthy mindset. Here are a few pillars to establish in your thinking about your singleness and desire for marriage:
1. You are a gift.
Marriage is not about getting, but giving ourselves to another person. So what kind of person do you want to be able to offer your spouse? When you focus on that, you will value yourself and eventually invest in a relationship with someone who has made the same effort.
2. You are whole person.
Being single does not mean you are looking for your other half. A healthy relationship is made up of two whole people who can be a source in the relationship. When that happens, 1+1 doesn’t just equal 2; it equals 10,000, because two can put ten thousand to flight.
3. You are a powerful person.
Powerful people take responsibility for their life and relationships. So many people are looking for a relationship to meet their needs, but being powerful means you learn how to get your needs met in healthy ways, and have the best of yourself to give to the people around you
4. You are attractive.
You don’t attract what you want; you attract people who are like you. If you want to attract someone different than the people around you, you must become different yourself. You are a person capable of attracting healthy people and relationships.
5. You are a student of healthy relationships.
Study healthy relationships. You can’t expect to be good at anything unless you study it intently. Some people study anything else more than how to be a great spouse and parent, which is tragic, because those relationships are the only ones that really last.
Singles, we love you and want you to be wildly hopeful about your relational future. Take advantage of this season to practice powerful trust in the Father and allow Him to lead you in becoming more of the person you want to be. You will find more enrichment in life as you develop yourself and your passions. Eventually, these are things you will be able to give as a gift to another person.
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