Will I Always Be Single? – How to Handle Valentine’s Day Disappointment

Danny Silk

Valentine’s Day has passed, and for many singles, that’s a relief. This annual celebration of romantic love and marriage can be an in-your-face reminder of what you don’t have at this point in life, which can trigger feelings of disappointment, loneliness, shame, and powerlessness.

If you experienced these feelings on Valentine’s Day, I’m sorry–they’re no fun. But I also want to offer you some encouragement. First, instead of stuffing or stewing in these unpleasant emotions,  I urge you to identify and own the true, good desires of your heart. The desire for marriage is a good desire. If you have that desire, you can be confident that your good Father wants to satisfy that desire in the best possible way.  Second, I urge you to be courageous in taking steps as a single to become a healthy person who can uphold your end of a healthy relationship.

The most important thing you can do to prepare for marriage is to invest in becoming a healthy person.

Being a healthy person starts with having a healthy mindset. Here are a few pillars to establish in your thinking about your singleness and desire for marriage:

1. You are a gift.

Marriage is not about getting, but giving ourselves to another person. So what kind of person do you want to be able to offer your spouse?  When you focus on that, you will value yourself and eventually invest in a relationship with someone who has made the same effort.

2. You are whole person.

Being single does not mean you are looking for your other half. A healthy relationship is made up of two whole people who can be a source in the relationship. When that happens, 1+1 doesn’t just equal 2; it equals 10,000, because two can put ten thousand to flight.

3. You are a powerful person.

Powerful people take responsibility for their life and relationships. So many people are looking for a relationship to meet their needs, but being powerful means you learn how to get your needs met in healthy ways, and have the best of yourself to give to the people around you

4. You are attractive.

You don’t attract what you want; you attract people who are like you. If you want to attract someone different than the people around you, you must become different yourself. You are a person capable of attracting healthy people and relationships.

5. You are a student of healthy relationships.

Study healthy relationships. You can’t expect to be good at anything unless you study it intently. Some people study anything else more than how to be a great spouse and parent, which is tragic, because those relationships are the only ones that really last.

Singles, we love you and want you to be wildly hopeful about your relational future. Take advantage of this season to practice powerful trust in the Father and allow Him to lead you in becoming more of the person you want to be. You will find more enrichment in life as you develop yourself and your passions. Eventually, these are things you will be able to give as a gift to another person.

Peace,

 

 

PS) Sign-up for #KYLODaily to receive daily wisdom for keeping your love on & boosting your relational intelligence (RQ)! Sign-up here!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  1. It is hard especially when you are single after 29 years of marriage. It is hard after you were thrown away by your spouse. It is hard when pastors preach about marriage the whole month of February. I keep trying to work through it all and forgive but it keeps coming back. It is for sure hard but my Father loves me with an ever lasting love and He will never leave me. It is in Him I put my trust!

  2. Have been divorced and wzs a single mum…when you still felt part of a family..because loved ones are with you..now im a widow of 16 years..5 children grown and with kiddies of their own..they all have their own families… There is no one now who would consider me as a part of their family…grandchildren …great when they were small..but now….. and i do miss ‘family’
    So now my church family is MY family..on Valentines day..i try to find another single lady and suggest ‘a celebration of appreciation ‘…which can be held any day of the year..but es
    Ecially when one may feel lonely.

  3. Thank you, Danny ! Everything you said are things I learned from a wonderful group called Singles Reaching Singles in Christ here in SW FL. I met them while walking through separation and divorce. They helped me realize that I had gotten married with all the wrong intentions…looking for someone else to meet my needs.
    At a Fall Get away with the group, one of the ladies shared a Word from the Lord with me that I would have something to offer in a relationship. At the time, I felt pitifully inadequate….a perpetual needy taker. Since that time, I have looked to Jesus to complete me, and now look forward with hope.

    This year for Valentine’s Day, another single lady at our church invited other single ladies to go out to dinner. There were 4 of us, and we enjoyed good good and fellowship getting to know each other better.
    Joan, who organized the event brought a bouquet of red roses, and shared them among us all. It was a good reminder that we are special and loved by our heavenly Father. Jesus is our beloved !

    I hope you and Sheri had a wonderful day !

    Laura Cole
    Bradenton, FL

  4. This is awesome advice! I am newly single after a 19 year relationship and this is absolutely the same advice and movement that I am feeling led to deep inside my heart.

  5. Thanks Danny. I needed this today! I just got out of a non Christian alcoholic relationship and have been struggling. He was great in many ways and I kept fantasizing about those good ways and forgetting all our differences. I’m a Christian and sober for 30 years. Please pray for me. I really want a healthy relationship. I was married 19 years and my husband was off cheating and traveling. I am very grateful for my three beautiful children and my job. I also have a good church family. Thanks Lori from Arizona.

  6. Thank you for this! I’m going to print this blog out and post it on my bedroom wall so I am reminded everyday of WHO I am, and WHOSE I am.

  7. Thank you sooo much for this article!!! Valentine’s Day has been very difficult for years. First because I was in a difficult marriage and we didn’t have the skills to create a safe place to enjoy one on one time. Second, I’m now free of the unhealthy relationship, but still wanting to be in a healthy one.

    Thank you for empowering me to continue to grow in being the best version of myself and that our good good God is very good at giving us the very best gifts! I am a gift too!

  8. This is by far the best "singles message" I’ve read. Thanks for the encouragement, and the acknowledgement of the legitimate disappointment that is present, This is a GOOD word.

  9. Thank you for this beautiful and encouraging word….It was so needed in my journey as a single. I want to thank God for this ministry via Facebook. It has blessed me. Father, you are the Best…

Related Resources

Stay Connected

Receive free resources, stay up to date, and join this community of people on a journey of learning to love, work, and parent with purpose.