Relational Intelligence – 8 Traits of Powerful People

Danny Silk

If you heard someone described as a powerful person, you might assume he or she would be the loudest person in the room, the one telling everyone else what to do. But powerful does not mean dominating. In fact, a controlling, dominating person is the very opposite of a powerful person.

So what exactly is a powerful person? Here are 8 traits of a powerful person:

1. They do not try to control others.

Powerful people do not try to control, convince, or manipulate other people or their behaviors. They know it doesn’t work, and it’s not their job. Their job is to control themselves.

2. They create a respectful environment.

Powerful people are able to consciously and deliberately create the environment in which they want to live. They don’t try to get people to respect them; they create a respectful environment by showing respect. They deliberately set the standard for how they expect to be treated by the way they treat others. As they consistently act in responsible, respectful, and loving ways, it becomes clear that the only people who can get close to them are those who know how to show respect, be responsible, and love well.

3. They refuse to be a victim.

Life does not happen to powerful people. Powerful people are happening. They are happening all the time. They are not controlled or infected by their environment. Powerful people refuse to play the victim by shifting responsibility for their choices onto others.

4. They require others around them to be powerful.

When powerful people encounter a powerless person, they are not tempted to dive into any unhealthy emotional ties or attachments. They hear a victim’s sob story and ask, “So what are you going to do about that? What have you tried? What else could you try?” These questions confront powerless people with their responsibility and their capacity to make choices and control themselves. This is the only option a powerful person will offer to powerless people: become powerful, make choices, and control yourself.

5. They make daily decisions that align with their vision.

Powerful people do not simply react to whatever is happening today. They are able to take responsibility for their decisions and the consequences of those decisions–even for mistakes and failures. They can respond to today and create tomorrow. Powerful people have a vision and mission for their life, and can use the events of each day, whether positive or negative, to direct themselves toward that vision.

6. They let their “yes” be “yes” and “no” be “no.”

Popular opinion or the pressure of others does not sway the language of powerful people. They know exactly what they want and how to communicate their desires. A powerful person says, “I will. I do. I am.” Powerful people can say both “Yes” and “No,” and mean it. Others can try to manipulate, charm, and threaten, but their answer will stand.

7. They love unconditionally.

A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says. When powerful people say, “I love you,” there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. It is dependent on their powerful ability to say “Yes” and carry out that decision. This protects their love from external forces, or from being managed by other people.

8. They consistently demonstrate who they say they are.

Powerful people can be who they say they are on a consistent basis. And because they know how to be themselves, they invite those around them to be themselves. Only powerful people can create a safe place to know and be known intimately. They say, “I can be me around you and you can be you around me. We do not need to control each other, and we don’t want to control each other.”

We all have room to grow in becoming powerful people.  No matter what, know that every step on the journey to getting free and being a powerful person is worth it. Choosing to say “Yes!” to a life of responsibility will be one filled with adventure and joy. Do not let powerlessness and a victim mentality steal from you any longer. You are a powerful person who can make powerful decisions. And more importantly, you are a powerful person who can choose to love–because He chose to love you.

Choosing to love is the most powerful choice you could ever make, and it is more rewarding than you could ever imagine.




PS) Did you find this blog excerpt from Keep Your Love On helpful? If you did, you might want to check out our free resources, including an assessment on how you’re doing with keeping your love on here.

PSS) We are continuing our focus on relational intelligence with one blog a month. If you would like to go more in depth with the topics shared, I’d suggest these things:

  1. Sign-up for #KYLODaily to receive daily wisdom for keeping your love on & boosting your relational intelligence (RQ)! Sign-up here!
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  1. I love and appreciate this article so VERY much! I align with all of these and more. Don’t forget the ability to read people without necessarily judging or coming to a conclusion. They are great observers of their environment and everyone around them. Great insights!

  2. I work at an amazing place and this entire article reminded me of my boss. Am truly blessed to have encounter someone like this and it is true, he does make you want to excel by being an example.

  3. This is excellent and we’ll put. I want to print it out as a reminder for the whole family. Thank you for giving! We appreciate all of the insights you’ve shared to remind us to choose to love. It really is the powerful choice.

  4. Now I understand why it is frustrating to me when others come to me with a victim mentality. I do show empathy and I often ask what are they doing to change the outcome. I was feeling guilty for not having what I thought was a lack of compassion but I now I understand that I really do compassion for the person.

  5. I used to think I was a powerful parent until I went from 2 little (fairly emotionally healthy) girls to 9 girls and a boy(several of whom are very emotionally wounded) of all ages in a 7 year period. It was kind of like jumping from kindergarten to highschool!! So today I will choose to laugh and sing loudly "My God is Bigger, My God is Greater" , while crying at the same time for His strength to shine in my weaknesses while at the same time trying not to run away from my youngadultish/almostadult/adultchildren who do not seem to be able to comprehend that I am on their team! I have yet to mature to the point that I am unoffended by them.

  6. It is a nicely written article about the qualities of powerful person. If you want to be a powerful person you must have to study about the powerful people of the world. Know how they become powerful. You can take a role model and can know about them.

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