Our Marriage Story and the NOT so Newlywed Game

Danny Silk

Introducing VLOGS!

I’m excited to announce that we’re going to be mixing things up on the LOP blog by adding vlogs! My goal with these vlogs is to communicate a bit more personally and conversationally, answer the questions we’re hearing from YOU more efficiently, and bring a bit of fun into the mix—all while continuing to encourage, educate, and equip you on your path to relational success!

Since it’s Valentine’s Day, we thought there’d be no better way to launch these vlogs than playing the Newlywed Game! (Yes, we know we’re not newlyweds . . . that’s why we thought it was funny.)

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  1. My question: What am I supposed to do if my husband says my doing something against his wishes is rebellion? I don’t want to be rebellious or dishonour him, but Ido want him to see me as an individual.

  2. Love it! A few questions for upcoming vlogs.

    1. I’ve always wondered but have trouble finding answers to how to handle repeat offenses. Is this something where we can just forgive or must we confront? And then what if the thing is more of just an annoyance vs an outright sin against you but for whatever reason you feel hurt when it happens. Do we just forgive or again is a confrontation and dialogue crucial in these moments? Basically, what is the appropriate balance? Thank you kindly!
  3. Question: Difference between forgiveness and resentment ? When you are hurt by the same person over and over again as you forgive and move on, but their hurtful controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive behavior eventually shows up again and again, blaming you. And no matter what you do it can never be good enough for them. Moved away from that situation and really receiving loads of healing, but although I feel like I have forgiven them, the trust is not there. As it’s been failed over and over again with them refusing to see their side of the problem, although at times I apologized again and again even when I didn’t do anything wrong, but just to keep the peace. I am questioning if I still have unforgiveness, although I have forgiven. But am not sure if it’s resentment when I’m around them or what’s really going on… it’s a parent. I want to have a good relationship, but am afraid of getting trapped in the same cycle as I have many many times before.. they know my love language, I know theirs, but feel like it’s been abused…

  4. My question is: when you’ve been hurt over and over again, and you’ve tried to KYLO and share "when you… I feel…" and the other person just goes into attack mode and just yells at you, or defends themselves, over and over, every time you try to share vulnerably – should you keep trying to connect? How do you know when to stop and protect yourself? How does intimacy work in this situation?

  5. On Wednesday my sister got married to a guy who shows no respect for us (her family). He is very self focused and arrogant he has a hard time keeping relationships of any kind. In the year that they dated he has switched jobs 4 times and churches twice. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his family either. Instead of recognizing that he might be the problem he believes that no one likes him because he is a highly anointed prophet. So my question is: at this point trying to get them to put the wedding off is no longer an option so how do we practice LOP to a couple who (because of him and the chaos that he creates) we honestly don’t want in our life? If it was only him we would simply cut off the relationship because the way he devalues people is not worth putting up with, but that’s not really an option since he is now part of the family. I really want to love like Jesus would but I’m not sure what that even looks like in a situation like this?

  6. Doreen

    Would like to hear more about abuse, in all it’s forms. The church many times tells the abused to stay in the relationship. there is confusion as to what is actually abuse and when it is time to leave (not just physical abuse)

  7. I LOVE the not so newlywed game:) and Id love to hear more examples or specific stories of keeping heathy boundaries with a spouse. (Reminding them who they are and choosing to believe they love you when they act unlovingly)

  8. I’d love to hear about how friends can navigate divorce. Practical examples, appropriate was we can grieve and support, etc.
    I have had several friend divorce in the last 3 years (I’m only 31), and I am finding it really difficult to navigate how to continue to connect during this painful season. Leaning in to Love and not fear. Often as a friends I don’t get the “why” of what’s happened in their marriage but I know I can still keep my love on…just finding it difficult to know how that looks practically.

  9. Hi Danny and Team.

    I am working my way through your book "Loving Our Kids On Purpose." Just about done… Firstly, thanks so much for helping my wife and I raise a powerful little man 🙂 We are even more excited about his future than we were before.

    My question: "Many of our schools in South Africa (and Im sure else where as well) unfortunately have a serious bulling and racial problem. Many teenagers have sadly taken their own lives because if this. If our son (who we adopted and is of a different race to us) were to be bullied (we’re praying against this and trying to prepare him should he face this), what would be the best way to handle this?

    If I understand your book correctly, this would be his problem and not ours, and we should only step in when we feel that he is unable to sort it out himself or he is in danger of being hurt. As parents we naturally lean towards the "You hurt him I hurt you mentality" but know that this wouldn’t be good for him and of course not us. How long should we stay in the background before we as parents would need to get involved?

    Thanks again for your guidance and love!

    Jason, Megan and Noah 🙂
    Cape Town, South Africa

  10. I really appreciated your being so real in the Newly Wed Game. I found it very endearing. I think Danny should get a point for his answer Connect as I would consider it a synonym for Communication. Well done to the whole family!

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