Love is all you need…NOT! – A Hard Learned Lesson

Yari Sampson

Love is all you need.

That’s not true.

I’m not sure when I started believing that, but I did. I mean, it’s hard not to see it these days everywhere you turn. Songs, signs, posters, mugs, you name it! It was when I got married that I realized that I had been shammed. Love is NOT all that you need to make a marriage, a covenant with another human being successful. You need SO. MUCH. MORE.

I fell in love with my husband at twenty two years old. He’s the funniest man I have ever met, strong, hard working, handsome, compassionate, smart, just to list a few. When we got engaged, I thought I was more than ready to get married. I had worked through all my “issues.” I went to Bible College (where we met), I lived a good life, I worked hard and my past was no longer affecting me, so I thought.

Fast forward to six months into our marriage, here we were in a new city, new marriage , new jobs, new everything, and our “issues” were making a comeback. I would get so angry with myself, with him, over any little thing. I couldn’t communicate to save my life. My patience was paper thin but I thought if I can just keep loving him (even in my anger and pain) then things will change. He will change. I will change. We will get better, but it didn’t.

Three years later, we were separated and contemplating if we were ever going to really make it.

In the middle of all of this, that’s when it really hit me. The realization that Love, as an emotion, is NOT all I needed, because love is NOT an emotion. My love needs to be an action to be able to love my husband well, be a partner in life, grow and not become a statistic, I needed love, but I also needed grace, patience, honor, joy, communication, boundaries and faith.

I needed grace to be able to forgive my husband and myself. I needed patience to be able to walk with him through his and our growth. I needed honor to give to him to express his value in my life. I needed joy to be mine so that no experience, no shortcoming, nothing, could take it away from me. I needed communication to be able to allow my husband to actually SEE ME. I needed boundaries to communicate value to MYSELF, and I needed faith to see that not everything is, as it seems.

Everyday I have a choice to be all of these things in my family, and the day I discovered that, my whole world turned upside down. I can happily say, we are now six years into our marriage and choosing each other and all that it entails everyday.

Are you choosing more than love today? How can you practically show that to those around you?

I challenge you today to move beyond just feelings and put your love into action.

KYLO,

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  1. Love this! Thank you for sharing! Ernesto and I went through a tough season as well but only by the Grace and Love of God that we have remained steadfast in our marriage. Thankful for people like you who are brave enough to be transparent. You never know when your story may change someone else’s life. Love you!

  2. Another lie is "we only need each other." I don’t know of any marriages that are isolated from outside influences, especially your family or your spouse’s family. Today it’s not only that, it’s your children and/or your spouse’s children. Several times I’ve seen people fly off to a remote place to get married on the beach without family present — "it’s all about us, not others," was the refrain. They returned from the honeymoon to find out that wasn’t the case at all.

    Ours was a modest wedding ten years ago, but it was big (don’t get me started on weddings that cost thousands and thousands of dollars, BTW). One cousin who never answers an email came with his family from 700 miles away; I think the count was 15 different states. A friend came from Australia. What made a big wedding important was that they witnessed our vows, which made them participants in our marriage. No, not intimate participants, of course! And no, my husband doesn’t necessarily like all of my friends the same way I do, and vice versa. Nevertheless we took Ruth’s admonition that "your people shall be my people" literally, and I think that makes our marriage healthy.

  3. A poem I wrote…
    Of faith, hope and love, we know love is the greater
    But love, without hope is life, without flavour
    And hope, without faith, a directionless fog
    Faith, without action? Ineffective to God
    Faith, hope and love, aLL three still remain
    Love is the song; hope and faith the refrain

  4. I loved your story…I wish you happiness with your husband….. you encourage me to share my story. … I felt in love with this MAN Almost 2 years ago…. I mean I was all about him and over him ( still in love BTW)… And we both thought that love is all we need… and we did everything possible and impossible to be together… And it was great…wonderful few months I had in my 27 years…He was so caring, loving, understanding….The funniest and the greatest men I ever met… But when I had all that great things and that handsome and RIGHT MAN in my life… for some reason I thought that’s not what I am looking for….I started get mad for every small things ….I was the worst communicater ever… never said a word to him.. And I left… I left the state… Now I am 1500 miles away from him.. Haven’t seen him almost a year, miss him like crazy… And I know it’s my fault…. i should’ve communicated with him, trust him, have faith in us… I gave up…. Whoever read this!!!! LOVE is not all what you need….You already blessed if you love and you are loved … Trust, communicate, have faith in each other…. Don’t let it go, hold on to it…… I hope I will see you again…One day.. Love you Chris..

  5. Good post. I would just point out that our culture often defines love as just a feeling – but Paul explains that love is a whole lot more… "love is patient, love is kind… etc." So you could even say that if we are not doing those things, perhaps we find that we really didn’t have as much love as we thought!

  6. That’s such a message that needs to be taught to newly weds and a reminder for us married a while. My pregnant cousin is young and beautiful. She is a great mom to her son, adamantly awaiting the next babies arrival. Yet her young husband who doesn’t yet know the Lord has started a relationship with another woman and he says he’s fallen out of love with his wife and in love with the other woman. But he is only going off emotions, not truth. And the Truth had never been shown to him. This is the sad reality of this generation and we must pray and be examples to them. They know nothing of biblical love.

  7. This is really important. I had to share it. Emotion is important in a relationship but it can’t be the only piece. Love truly is a choice. Great article.

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