Love is all you need.
That’s not true.
I’m not sure when I started believing that, but I did. I mean, it’s hard not to see it these days everywhere you turn. Songs, signs, posters, mugs, you name it! It was when I got married that I realized that I had been shammed. Love is NOT all that you need to make a marriage, a covenant with another human being successful. You need SO. MUCH. MORE.
I fell in love with my husband at twenty two years old. He’s the funniest man I have ever met, strong, hard working, handsome, compassionate, smart, just to list a few. When we got engaged, I thought I was more than ready to get married. I had worked through all my “issues.” I went to Bible College (where we met), I lived a good life, I worked hard and my past was no longer affecting me, so I thought.
Fast forward to six months into our marriage, here we were in a new city, new marriage , new jobs, new everything, and our “issues” were making a comeback. I would get so angry with myself, with him, over any little thing. I couldn’t communicate to save my life. My patience was paper thin but I thought if I can just keep loving him (even in my anger and pain) then things will change. He will change. I will change. We will get better, but it didn’t.
Three years later, we were separated and contemplating if we were ever going to really make it.
In the middle of all of this, that’s when it really hit me. The realization that Love, as an emotion, is NOT all I needed, because love is NOT an emotion. My love needs to be an action to be able to love my husband well, be a partner in life, grow and not become a statistic, I needed love, but I also needed grace, patience, honor, joy, communication, boundaries and faith.
I needed grace to be able to forgive my husband and myself. I needed patience to be able to walk with him through his and our growth. I needed honor to give to him to express his value in my life. I needed joy to be mine so that no experience, no shortcoming, nothing, could take it away from me. I needed communication to be able to allow my husband to actually SEE ME. I needed boundaries to communicate value to MYSELF, and I needed faith to see that not everything is, as it seems.
Everyday I have a choice to be all of these things in my family, and the day I discovered that, my whole world turned upside down. I can happily say, we are now six years into our marriage and choosing each other and all that it entails everyday.
Are you choosing more than love today? How can you practically show that to those around you?
I challenge you today to move beyond just feelings and put your love into action.