Let It Go – Forgiveness is a non-negotiable

Danny Silk

Forgiveness is an intricate part of covenant.

If we are going to practice covenant, we must practice forgiveness, and covenant comes into being through death. Where I am willing to die to protect this relationship. Therefore, forgiveness requires death.  For me to die to my expectations, for me to die to accusations, for me to even die to emotions that I am keeping stirred up. In order to preserve your covenant you must be willing to forgive, your family, your children, your friends, your coworkers, the people you know well and the people you don’t know well. We must deal with our hurts and forgive, because when we don’t, we start to disintegrate our community  by not dealing with our hurt and unforgiveness.

So, who should we forgive?:

1. Those who offend you

2. Those who ask for mercy

3. Yourself

4. Your Father, God.

The evidence of reconciliation is the absence of vengeance and anxiety.

The evidence that my love is back on, is that I love you.

The evidence that I have forgiven from my heart, is that it looks like I love you because I do.

This is the purpose for forgiveness: …I love you.

I challenge you this week to think of who you need to forgive, start taking more steps towards forgiveness and to keep forgiveness and love on your lips.


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  1. Thank you! I say it’s hard to forgive/ to let go, but it shouldn’t be if I am truly trusting God. I commit to taking steps towards forgiveness because I want to be free!

  2. Thanks for this! I really needed this today, while letting go of hurt caused in a close relationship. I’m’ learning to not keep stirring up negative emotions & this is good encouragement!

  3. You are amazing, sir!
    On one hand I’m thinking: this is too hard. I don’t think I can do it.
    In the other hand I know I cannot keep living the way I am with regard to some of the relationships I have.
    I guess I’m in a good spot for Papa to help me do this.
    Thanks so much Danny. You are amazing.
    With utmost respect,

  4. Forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. You can forgive anyone. You cannot always be reconciled to someone you’ve forgiven (for a number of reasons).

  5. I agree with you nearly 100% of the time, Danny. I’m struggling with why we should ever need to forgive God. What is to forgive? We are broken and make mistakes, not Him. Instead of forgiveness of God, perhaps we should seek to understand and accept Him more fully? Thoughts?

  6. I needed this today! Thanks! It’s been a rough 6 months with my daughter and I was feeling like walking away and letting my broken heart have its way (even though I know better) and I opened my email to see this! Thank you God! Somehow she will help me choose to take the path that leads to life and forgiveness and back to love!

  7. To be "willing to die to protect this relationship’ makes no sense, because it is in the relationship that the hurt keeps coming and coming and coming, all in the name of "God is sovereign."

  8. Forgiveness is a regular habit, like taking a bath everyday. The more I repent of my unforgiveness, the more I am in tune when the stain of anger, resentment, bitterness, and retaliation as it lingers onto me. And I hate that stain! It’s like picking up manure with my hands where it stinks and looks ugly. So I honestly look to the Lord to repent so he can wash that filthy stain off me and then refill my heart with his love and his mercy. In this way I can return his love and mercy to my enemy. Thank you Lord for your mercy, kindness, and everlasting love.

  9. How do you forgive the men who abused and raped you? I do not love them, I never will. How do you do that? How do you forgive the husband of 27 years who had an affair, walked out with the ‘better model’ and now is living his dreams. I am yet to understand how to do this. I forgave, took him back and he left again. How do you forgive that? I’m not saying this in anger, I’m desperate to understand. I do not love him. I do not want to see him. He’s destroyed my world. I have said the words, I have prayed and prayed, cried & cried. I am absolutely heartbroken.

    1. Wounded heart is a book by a guy name so dan Allender It is the best book out in healing of heart wounds, Specifically from sexual abuse but the heart pain and choice to self protect is part of all betrayal and abuse so his book USB applicable to litany of scenarios. Blessings to you on this credible journey. You are a warrior to not withdraw and healing is coming!!!

  10. I think everyone knows that we should forgive. That is easy to say…but the real crux is how does the process work? It is a process to get your emotions to line up with the will and do not be discouraged in the process. I have been raped and abused and there was not instant emotional healing when I chose to forgive. It took time. We confess with our will that yes we desire to forgive. We pour out our pain and anger to God with tears and sometimes screaming. And we ask for healing. You might have to do this again and again because it takes time. During that time choose to bless those who curse you and pray for those who despite-fully use you. It is not easy, but the Christ in you is always willing to do this. So I admit, I can’t do this Lord, You can. You live Your life through me. Sometimes I have to say this a lot of times during the day. It is OK. God likes it when I am dependent on Him. Do not be discouraged if it takes time for the emotions to line up with the will. It will happen. It takes time. The more I abide and ask Him to live His life through me; the more His healing can flow through me. God bless, Maria healing can happen. It has happened to me. It takes time. And when our lives have been destroyed God can and will restore as we abide in Him. How do you abide? Recognize that God has given you the ability to be in Christ when you gave your life to Him. Drink in the fact that God loves you regardless of your feelings and enjoy being cherished. "Every single moment You are thinking of me. How precious and wonderful to consider that You cherish me constantly in Your every thought." Psalm 139:17 Passion Translation

  11. Dear Marie, I feel your pain. I too was brokenhearted. My journey of wholeness began and still continues through encounters with Holy Spirit. It is God who will lead you and transform your heart. Take your pain, all of yourself to Him and He speak to you. Allow Him to go deep. I am praying for you Marie.
    Danny, thank you for this today. This is a jewel God has given me in perfect timing. You and Sherry are spiritual parents to me and God has used you to bring such healing and growth to and in me and my life. Thank you.

  12. Prayers to all who have been wounded and scared. I too have been there in most all the ways possible. When I realized how I could be set free, (by believing) I began the long journey. Slowly, recovering to a point that when forgiving someone who did something that could cost me my job, I knew that God trumps the enemies plan. Period! The freedom I walked in was so powerful and so above the pit of that wanted to draw me in that it was like a high. A God high! The end result is that when I gave it to God, he began to work in the circumstances and I got a gut rendering apology from the one who did this to me. So now we both walk in freedom….and are friends to this day. I hope this encourages someone to put belief over feelings so it can trump all! (Not every circumstance means you are reconciled to someone, but you are just as free.) Prayers to all who have been wounded and scared.

  13. How can I forgive from my heart and not only with my understanding/head?
    What is going wrong, when I have forgiven, but I don´t feel love to that person?
    Have I to do acts of love to them even when I don´t feel so?
    Am I a lier, when I do so?
    What ist going wrong, when I have forgiven, but even don´t wont to see the the person or spend time with her/him?
    Have I to trust the person I have forgiven even I won´t tell her/him any intimate things of me?
    Lovely greetings from Austria from Andrea
    Sorry, for my english…

  14. Forgiveness is such an important topic. I went through the dissolution of a marriage and on the day of the dissolution I handed her a note of a "free gift" and told her that I had true agape love for her and that I was releasing her to God and wanted Him to bless her with the very best that He has for her. I also have come to realize that I needed to make amends with her, not so much to reconcile the marriage, but to allow for genuine healing to take place…owning up to the role that I played in the breakdown of the marriage. I also had read "Wounded Heart", initially to better understand what she had been through. What I didn’t realize was that I had experienced the same abuse and it had affected my relational style, but I had suppressed it to the point where I wasn’t even consciously aware of it. It was a book entitled "Inside Out" by Dr. Larry Crabb that actually made me aware of it. I then went through a process of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) to bring it to the surface. My amends stem from the baggage that I brought into the marriage and the subsequent self-protective strategies that I used to numb the pain of my past. So for me the healing has occurred through forgiveness, praying for God’s blessing for the other person, and making amends for my part in the breakdown. Please pray for me that the "amends discussion" goes well.

  15. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing/process. Over many years I have forgiven like Jesus 70 x 7 too many people to keep count. Working in a Christian school for 11 years giving of my all in every way both in work practice and volunteering to be abused for standing up for God addressing many issues that were happening to many staff/families in the school environment My own 2 children abused and bullied in their final year. I have not returned to the school for 2 years after been walked off school grounds like I was a demon put in a taxi and taken home crying from deep within. This pain lasted for approximately 24 hours but the abuse continued in different ways even being away from the school. When you step on Satan toes and expose evil operation you are attacked. I was under spiritual attack by everyone I met and knew even my family, my church family of 26 years everyone. How did I survive? By forgiving and trusting God as He was the only one that never left me. Seven weeks ago today I was abused by a friend (a best friend) from the pulpit of my church which again I cried deep within for a length of time.
    Praise God that even though this was truly unforgivable I forgave and I know this friend and I will once again be friends as she was horrified when told what she did. Another spiritual attack but that was seven weeks ago and things have changed.
    I don’t know exactly what has happened other than I am now being loved and resting in the grace and wisdom of God. People are being nice evil has broken. PRAISE GOD Hallelujah

  16. I thought that this post was helpful, but it really is just the start of the conversation. Forgiveness isn’t optional and is an important part of the christian faith. Learning to forgive is important. However, Danny has focused on the destination and not the journey.

    Clearly not everything about forgiveness can be explained in this short post, but i think it’s worth continuing the conversation.

    I have written a post about it because I can’t say it all here. Do check it out if you can http://relationshipdilemma.com/let-it-go-forgiveness-is-rarely-that-easy/

  17. I just read this, although the post is several months old. While I agree with much of what is shared, there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation that must be acknowledged. It is within my control to forgive. It is not always within my control–or in my best interests–to reconcile a relationship. I do not see in scripture where we are commanded to reconcile in situations such as abusive relationships, or the withdrawal of a spouse. Yet, we are called to forgive. The real challenge to me is to figure out how to forgive in situations where reconciliation is impossible. And to be at peace with that.

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