Guidelines to Choices – Giving life tools to your children

Danny Silk

There are basically 3 guidelines for setting limits with choices. Choices are a way for us to empower our children. We expose them to the real world of responsibility by offering choices, lots of choices. I derived these guidelines from the “Becoming a Love and Logic Parent” materials.

1. Offer choices that you are happy with your child choosing.

Don’t give them choice A and B, hoping in fact that they choose A. With every choice you offer, you have to be happy with the outcome they decide.

2. Make sure that your child understands the choices being offered.

For example: When you tell them to clean their room, you need to know that the picture of the completed job in their mind matches the one in yours. Have you ever told your kid to clean their room and they finish in 3.5 seconds? There is NO WAY that room is clean that quickly, so be sure to clarify what you need.

3. You need to have a plan, to enforce your choices with consequences.

Your child is learning powerful lessons on personal responsibility and the consequences of their choices. We are still making choices in every situation, and those choices are bringing certain consequences into our lives.

When we show our children what the real world is like, we equip them to be aware of the fact that they are making choices all the time and we enable them to take responsibility for them.

Remember that  in all of this, the key to protecting the heart of the matter is: Protecting the connection you have with your child.

The limits we set with our children will show them what the real world is like, but it is our heart connection with them, our love, that will motivate them to embrace the journey of responsibility and growth before them.

You can do this!



P.S. Don’t forget to download our parenting eBook if you haven’t already!

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  1. Hey Danny,

    Maybe you have done this in another post, but can you give us a few examples of 1) a request and 2) the choices we can give? It would help me to start brainstorming ideas. Thanks!

  2. I truly regret not knowing these things while raising my children! However as a new grandma I’ve passed all this along to then praying it will empower them as parents!! Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. We are in a situation where a young couple with an almost 6 year old lives with us. The parents have told us they don’t want anyone to lord over their son. They encourage him to confront authority! It’s making me crazy! He leaves his toys in the middle of the living room and I ask him to pick them up and he asks me why and says well at my house I can leave my toys. The tv and video games are a babysitter. The kid won’t even go in the backyard and play. HELP!

  4. Good information! I have a 12 year old daughter who is acting out with defiance disrespect aggressiveness disobedience at home n school. She made the soccer team n I took her off due to her choices n actions. I feel that’s a privilege n it needs to be earned. Now I am questioning if I should let her play with strict restrictions n consequences. What is your advice? She just started 6th grade n is having issues with changing classes teachers expecting her to do better not just skate by. I don’t want her to struggle in school either. She is adopted n has some issues from her past too.

    1. Wow I literally felt like I was reading our story here. Only our daughter is joining soccer for the first time. And school here starts in just a few days.

  5. Do you answer specific questions? Like , I have a 12 year old girl who backchats big time? And uses emotions to manipulate. Help

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