Feedback is Essential! Do you know how to give it?

Danny Silk

Feedback is essential for every one of us.

We simply cannot grow and build meaningful connections if we don’t hear about how the people around us are experiencing us. Feedback gives us the information we need to take responsibility for how we are affecting our environment and adjust in order to protect what is important to us.

Though many of us associate “feedback” with “criticism,” feedback can also be positive. In fact, positive feedback is the kind we need to be both giving and receiving most in our lives. Keeping up a continuous flow of encouragement and affirmation is critical to creating a safe place where we feel safe to be ourselves, be vulnerable, and build trust with one another. Without this safe place of trust, it’s really difficult to deliver effective feedback when we need to confront a problem.

“Confrontation” is another word that has a negative connotation for many of us, but confrontation done well brings strength to a relationship. The goal in confrontation is not to punish someone who is making a mess, but to empower them to clean up the mess and repair relational disconnection.

So what are some keys to effective communication in confrontation?

First, approach the other person with a spirit of humility and gentleness. Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”

Second, ask great questions. Questions stimulate thinking and allow the person being confronted to find solutions from the inside. They give them the opportunity to tap into their greatness and remember that they are powerful. Here are questions I often use in confrontation:

I am wondering if…

What are you going to do?

How is this working for you?

Do you want any help with this?

Giving and receiving feedback is one of the most powerful ways we can love one another and fight for our connections. So I challenge you today with this: Are you allowing others into your life to give you feedback and are you giving feedback to others? Open your heart to it today and you will see a massive difference!




P.S. If you want to learn more about feedback, communication, and confrontation, check out Foundations of Honor, in which I sit with some of my great friends to talk about how they have implemented these skills into the everyday lives. For a limited time you can get it for 25% off!

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  1. Amazing teaching. I so wish I would have had this growing up. I grew up in the deep south where you do not confront or talk through things. We lived by "if you don’t have anything good to say then don’t say anything at all". Good meant complimentary words. As an adult, I am still trying to communicate with people when I don’t agree with something or when I would like to see change – at 43 years old still a big challenge for me. Thank you so so much!!!

  2. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree and it is tough when your spouse would rather run for cover than confront something which is unbiblical; BUT God has shown a way so that this is possible. SOZO and LAM have been extremely supportive in allowing this to shift. Hallelujah!

  3. Thank you for your clarity. We often know we need to do something but have no clue how to do it in the fog of confusion that surrounds hurts, offences and the orphan spirit (spirit of fear). When I hear you teach or read your books or blogs, it is like that bright sunny day after the rain when everything feels fresh again and visibility is a million miles. Thanks so much for releasing the culture of Love.

  4. SO GOOD!! My wife and I love your teachings on this subject (and just about everything you teach!) Keep holding up the standard for great relationships!

  5. Thank you so much for your faithfulness to the Lord and teaching His truths in such a wonderful and understandable way. Your teachings are a great help.

  6. Thank you for this word, it is right on time as I needed encouragement to confront someone about a negative atmosphere they have been creating . This word was God inspired. Blessings to you, Brother!

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