How to Keep Your Love On in the Midst of Betrayal

Danny Silk

(This is class one of the newest track of The Life Academy, Culture & Conversations)

When Ben Armstrong confessed his infidelity to his wife, Heather, they both had a choice to make. Would he choose to clean up his mess with her, his family, and everyone in his sphere of influence as a leader? Would she choose to forgive him and give him the chance to rebuild trust with her?

I recently say down with Ben & Heather to have a conversation about how they kept their love on through one of the hardest seasons of their lives.

They are some of my hero’s Because they walked through one of the uglier set of circumstances that a relationship can go through AND chose to keep their love on!

During this session, we’ll look at:

+ How to keep your love on in the midst of deep pain and betrayal.
+ How discipline and punishment can look and feel similar but yield VERY different results.
+ How SMALL bits of disconnection in a marriage can lead to big distance.
+ A great example of how to deal with mistakes as a community.
+ How to stay vulnerable and build a connection in the midst of it.

My hope is that you’ll walk away from this conversation inspired to keep your love on, regardless of the type of situation you find yourself in!



PS) This is class one of Culture & Conversations, where we also provide you with discussions, additional materials & inspired activations around the topics discussed! It is my goal in this track to show you behind the curtain into REAL peoples lives as they walk honor, connection and love out in everyday life. The Armstrong’s are no exception to this! And we get to hear far more of their journey in future weeks.

For a limited time, I’m giving away a FREE month of this membership. So, if you’d like to hear more about the Armstrong’s journey and get access to all the fun features, subscribe here!

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  1. Your experience shared is very impactful to couples that haven’t gone through this kind of betrayal–but…are living this kind of ‘disconnect’. Thank you for loving humanity so so much that you were willing to expose yourselves for the purpose of reconciliation.

  2. After a disagreement my daughter put several dents and scratches on my car. I wanted to remove her from my family cell plan so she would have to pay her own cell bill. On the one hand she should get used to doing so as a reality of being a responsible adult. On the other hand my motive was not to cultivate maturity but inflict punishment. The cross road for me was do I want to satisfy my rights now or die to myself and plant a seed that will grow in the future? I thought about Mt. 5:7 about mercy and asked myself if I needed mercy. I reflected on Lk 22;42 and asked my self if I wanted to follow Christ in choosing Gods will over his emotions as (Lk 22:42). Finally, did I want those I may diciple in Japan to see my pain and my choice and imitate my choice (Phi 4;9)? As a result, I decided to keep paying for my daughters cell phone service. As a result I have a good hope that I will receive mercy, my daughter will show mercy to her future kids, and those I serve in Japan will make merciful choices. Ultimately Satan gets a black eye and God will receive glory and His rightful fruit and His Kingdom will come in and through the lives I serve.

  3. This is great. I wonder why I’m stuck on Danny’s introduction of the couple where he says about Ben that he "fell into" the situation rather than he "chose to"….maybe because I haven’t seen the rest of the story…

  4. I too, Joanne Beasley, got stuck on Danny’s introduction where he says Ben "fell into" the situation… to me, Scripture is clear in James that we are tempted when we are "carried away and enticed by our own lusts" James 1:13 "But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin [p]is accomplished, it brings forth death." I was taught that that phrase "carried away" means to literally grab yourself by the back of the neck and carry yourself off. The origin of evil and temptation is in our own hearts. If we don’t stop the beginnings of sin, all the evils that follow must be wholly charged upon us. That does not seem at all like one who "falls into sin"… so I too got stuck in that phrase…. and like you, I too want to believe the best and believe I am stuck because I haven’t seen the rest of the story…

  5. And God bless you Heather and Ben for trusting God SO much to follow Him to "choose us" and "clean up the mess" amidst the whole planet watching. All that matters at the end of our lives really, is did you trust Jesus and I thank you for being an example of those who really do, and for teaching us all by sharing your experiences. And for passing along the wisdom of "we are only going to listen to the voices of those people who value what we are after." Awesome!! Causes me to stop and look at myself and see what I value: fear/pride or God/love. Thank you! And Danny thank you so much for your ministry and helping us all keep our love on and choose an honor of culture over our own pride. Good stuff, worth gold!!

  6. This is great and real. Thank you.I do agree with Joanne Bradley too , "I choose" would be more appropriate ,instead of "I fell". Otherwise it sounds like he is a victim.

  7. I am also curious about the other side, who also made her choices,how did she recover? Would be awesome to hear her testimony too, if it is available.

  8. Wow that’s truly amazing that they can be vulnerable and share this painful part of their marriage. It takes courage. I’d like to hear more about how they processed emotions with the Holy Spirit. Heather talked about that and I feel that carries a powerful message for all of us who struggle with events that have been deemed unforgivable. The rawness of the process. The battle of fear, punishment, love and forgiveness.

    We all mess up. We all sin. Its being able to see the process of choosing forgiveness that brings this story power. And him not choosing Shame and Gulit to dominate his life. Those are the massive struggles couples face in these situations, do they talk about that process because I’d like to hear it 🙂

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