A Crucial Key to Becoming Our Best Selves – The Power of People Speaking Into Our Blind Spots

Ben Serpell

I want to become the best version of me.

This is the heart cry of so many of us—that we would become our very best in every arena of our lives. This truly is a noble cry that was planted there by God. However, this goal cannot be reached alone.

To believe that I can become the best version of me by myself is like the owner of a company taking credit for all the work his or her employees did. It just doesn’t add up. We need each other.And nowhere does this truth become more apparent than in those wonderful areas where we can’t see the truth of how we are happening and affecting the world around us.

I’m talking about our blind spots.

Backseat (and Frontseat) Drivers are our Friends

When I started driving as a teenager, my parents always told me to look over my shoulder before turning or changing lanes. At first, my attempts to check my blind spots were not natural. On one thrilling occasion, my mother, the brave soul riding shotgun, repeated this instruction as I approached a lane change. As I turned my head to check my “blind spot,” my whole body turned also, taking the car with me. Thankfully I was able to quickly gain control of the car and get it back into my lane. Over time, I improved my ability to check my blind spots whilst using each mirror and sometimes all the passengers in my car. Now, as an experienced driver I like to think that I know all my blind spots and have them covered at all times, but not without the occasional clearly stated warning from my wife when she says, “Benjamin.”

In the same way, we all have blind spots when it comes to learning about ourselves and/or each other in relationships, and learning to “check” them is not something we can do alone. We need other people around us to help keep us safe and move us closer to that goal of becoming the best version of ourselves—and being those selves in our relationships.

Hearing Hard Truths Now Is Better Than Crashing Down the Road

A few years ago, I began meeting with a couple who were planning to get married and wanted to be fully prepared before saying “I do.” To make this scenario more exciting, I was a good friend to one half of this couple, and there was one divorce and a few kids in the mix.

After a few meetings, we started to see some of their blind spots coming to the surface. The man had some strong ideas about how things needed to be and what was right and wrong, black and white. The only problem was that this used to work when it was just him, but now he was adding a wife-to-be and stepchildren to his life, and as the meetings went on, it was obvious that he was making his fiancée feel less and less important.

Without going into all the gory details, this was one of the few times that I was ready to tell these two people, “I do not think you should get married.” Their inability to see and adjust to the blind spots painted a picture in the future that did not look like success. After a candid, loving conversation filled with truth, I laid down a challenge for these two and told them exactly what it was going to take to get from where they were to the wedding day.

To my joy, they took on the challenge and begun to make the required adjustments to their own and each other’s blind spots to create a healthy connected, understanding relationship. They have been married several years now, and the connection they have today is such a picture of the power of letting others in to see our best as well as what feels like our worst and help us on this journey of becoming.

Blind Doesn’t Mean Broken—There Is Hope!

This is just one example of many that Brittney and I have experienced where we have seen God do great things in people’s lives through collaboration with the Holy Spirit and the empowerment of coaching. It really is this experience, and the passion to help others discover their strengths and blind spots in relationships, that gets us up in the morning. It is truly one of the greatest honors to get to sit with another person and together find those places that may cause us to swerve out of control or cause harm down the road, and then apply tools and truth to effectively navigate these areas moving forward.

One thing we often remind people of is that having blind spots doesn’t mean we are broken or have something wrong with us. Each of us was handed the very best set of tools our parents had to give us. We then take those and see how they work with the set of tools someone else was handed and try not to make a mess—we call this relationship. If no one ever gives us different tools, or shows us how to use the ones we have to their fullest, why would we look any different than the generation before us? Being willing to courageously wade into the unknown is where we find our gold.

If you feel that a relationship in your life could benefit from someone speaking into your blind spots, or just need some strength and tools to help you grow into the amazing person God created you to be, Brittney and I are here for you! You can reach out to us at Loving on Purpose Family Coaching.

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  1. Amen! The very nature of blind spots or deception is that you CAN’T see it for yourself. We need other people and the Holy Spirit to reveal what we are blind to.

  2. "Each of us was handed the very best set of tools our parents had to give us. We then take those and see how they work with the set of tools someone else was handed and try not to make a mess—we call this relationship." — Best Line ever! Thanks for sharing :-). This was super insightful!

  3. Not everyone was," handed the best set of tools our parents had to give us." Mine were not walking with God, ever, in my growing years, so most of my tools needed to be thrown out and traded for new ones. Sometimes, it’s after we get saved and are being mentored and rubbing shoulders with other believers, etc. that we get those tools! Great article though! Love to see the younger generations carry on and doing a great job!!! Thank you for your insight!

  4. Thank you Ben, this really sentence stood out for me – that having blind spots doesn’t mean we are broken or have something wrong with us.

  5. This concept is so important! You don’t know what you don’t know…however, the person highlighting your blind spots should do it with a "pure" & loving motive and in a way that is not damaging. People that speak into your life must be carefully considered and chosen. Also, consider the same how you impart such sensitive information to others. Receiving and giving feedback is a skill that should be taught. It’s not always what you say, it’s HOW you say it…

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