The real substance of life is not found in the jobs or accolades or anything else we try to make it about. The REAL journey is found in the courageous choices we make to move from a lifestyle driven by fear to one driven by love.
Last week, I did a three-part Facebook Live series on three commitments that I believe everyone needs to make on this transformational journey. (See below for the videos!)
Commitment #1: Change the Way We Think.
A good example of this is learning how to “rethink” anger.
One of our natural, instinctive reactions to fear is “fight.” When many of us get triggered by something scary or painful, we automatically reach for anger to feel powerful in the face of what we perceive is a threat. The problem is that anger’s goal is always self-protection and winning the war by overpowering someone. It is not a tool that helps us communicate our needs, get them met, and restore a broken connection. Habitually reaching for anger is how we end up creating a culture of dishonor in our homes.
Anger is fake power, because it only has the ability to increase distance between two people. Real power is found in humility and vulnerability. Humility involves paying attention to how you’re affecting those around you and being willing to adjust to lower anxiety and protect connection. Vulnerability means showing up and letting another person know, “Hey, I’m scared and hurting right now, and I’m feeling pretty powerless about fixing this situation. But my goal with you is connection.”
People who want to make the courageous journey from fear to love must learn to recognize when their body and emotions are starting to spike with adrenaline. When your neck and face start getting red, your fists and jaw starts clenching, and your throat starts to tighten, be powerful and call a timeout: “I need to take some time to calm down. Let’s take a break and talk in an hour or so.” Take some space, get the adrenaline levels down, and come back to the conversation with a plan to pursue connection.
I recently did a FB Live on this very topic. Watch it here!
Commitment #2: Find Your People.
As a pastor, I hear lots of talk about the need for community and doing “life on life” with people. What I observe is that most of us let community just sort of happen around the activities we’re already committed to. Parents of school-aged kids connect with other parents through their kids’ activities. Employees at the same business hang out after work.
This is natural, but the real power in community is found by finding people who share our deepest core values and are going after the same long-term goals in life. If your goal is to build a lifestyle of love and pursuing the presence of God, then you need to find a community of likeminded people to run with.
Since starting Culture and Conversations, our online community at Loving on Purpose Life Academy, I have been stunned to discover that participating in an online community can be just as powerful as an offline community. After participating in traditional, live educational settings my whole life, I couldn’t see how the same experience could translate online. But what I’m seeing in Culture and Conversations is a group of likeminded people from all over the world who are passionately running after the same goal. They’re seeing a kingdom culture in the videos I’ve been capturing with leaders, couples, and parents all over the world, and in the group discussions that follow. I’m hanging out with these people every day and watching them grow as they practice vulnerability and pull on the great wisdom of the group.
Commitment #3: Align Your Relationships and Resources with Your Goal.
Along with finding our people, it’s important that we align our resources with our goals if we hope to be successful in a transformational journey from fear to love—specifically, our money and our time. Doing this can be uncomfortable, but this very discomfort is a sign that we are being courageous and investing in choices that will help us grow.
It’s easy to lose control of where we are spending the valuable resources of our lives. Do you know where your money going after you’ve taken care of your fixed costs? Does your spending align with the priorities you are trying to pursue? What about your time? Are the hours you spend on social media helping you to connect with people, or are they fueling a virtual lifestyle with superficial connections?
We are made for a lifestyle of adventure, challenge, and above all, connection. In order to build this lifestyle, we must be powerful in choosing the people we surround ourselves with and the things in which we invest our resources.
PS) Don’t miss the open window to enroll in Culture & Conversations, our Learning Community! (Learn more here)
Also, get 20% off UNTIL 11:59 EST TONIGHT! (Use this coupon code: CandC20)
While every tool and resource we offer at Loving on Purpose will help you make these commitments and walk them out, Culture and Conversations is the place where we are working to come alongside people in their daily lives and relational scenarios to provide ongoing, real-time support to them as they build a lifestyle of faith, hope, and love. Our members continue to send me amazing feedback about what they are learning and receiving as they participate in the group.
Angie Maxwell Stumbo writes:
“C&C is love on display. I was taught that love looks like acquiescence or dominance or powerlessness, depending on the situation. But true love is none of those. True heart-changing love is powerful people committing to love powerful people powerfully. C&C demonstrates this through honest conversation as we discuss establishing and maintaining a culture of honor in our marriages, relationships with our children, and in leadership. It continues to challenge me to maintain this posture of honor in the toughest of situations and relationships. It isn’t easy, but it is life-changing. I’m forever changed and forever grateful.”
Nichole Sudhoff adds:
“Culture & Conversations has been a great way to connect with others across the country and around the world who are putting feet to the Loving on Purpose way to live. In leadership and family, with friends and strangers, the culture of honor transforms interactions. This track and the associated Facebook group are like being in an inner circle with Danny Silk and a bunch of amazing world changers, gaining personalized insights on how to apply the great information we’ve learned—sometimes over many years—to real situations.”
This week—for one week only, we are opening the community up to new members. Learn more & Join us here!