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Why do we love punishment so much?
by Danny Silk
Hey everyone! This is the 3rd week of our vlog series on Unpunishable. I subtitled the book “Ending Our Love… Read More

Relationships

Why do we love punishment so much?
Hey everyone! This is the 3rd week of our vlog series on Unpunishable. I subtitled the book “Ending Our Love… Read More
The Punishment Paradigm
All humans learn at a young age that mistakes deserve punishment. When we confront someone for wrongdoing, the classic goal… Read More
Our Love Affair With Punishment
Welcome to 2020—a new year and a new decade! What a great time to reset, refocus, and reengage in our… Read More
The Father’s Solution to Our Problem
Over the years, I have had the difficult privilege of sitting down with many people—leaders, husbands, wives, coworkers, and friends—who… Read More
Coaching to Navigate the Winding Road of Life
The town where I grew up sits on a highway—299 East. This road is full of challenges—twists, turns, logging trucks,… Read More
Gratitude and the Risk of Joy
One of the most fascinating stories about thankfulness in the Bible is Luke’s account of Jesus healing the ten lepers:… Read More
Lost and Found
In Luke 15, Jesus tells three parables about “lost” things—a lost sheep, a lost coin, and a lost son. In… Read More
Leaving the Prison of Pain
Punishment is connected to our instinctive reactions to pain. (In fact, the word “pain” comes from the same root word… Read More
The Miracle of Forgiveness
This week many news outlets are broadcasting the stunning courtroom footage of an eighteen-year-old black man speaking to the woman… Read More
What Do I Mean By “Unpunishable”?
It’s been over fifteen years since I introduced the term “unpunishable” in teaching about how we are called to view… Read More
Good questions to ask in a conversation with a powerless or controlling person
Staying powerful in the presence of a powerless person—someone who is driven by fear, acting like a victim, and trying… Read More
How do you respond to being hurt by someone in the church?
If by some chance you haven’t already experienced this for yourself . . . Yes, people in the church hurt… Read More
When does a boundary become controlling?
Every powerful person needs to be able to set and maintain boundaries around the behavior they will practice and expect… Read More
How to Set Limits with Abusive People
When a relationship becomes abusive, things will only change when at least one person makes the brave decision to set… Read More
3 Keys to Recover From a Porn Addiction
How do you recover from a porn addiction? In today’s vlog, I discuss 3 essential keys for everyone who wants… Read More
How to Manage Yourself When Someone Doesn’t Repent
What do you do when you’ve confronted someone close to you about a way they are hurting or violating your… Read More
Gratitude: The Sign of Our Heart’s Allegiance
Decisions great and small fill our days and mark where our spiritual allegiance lies. There are only two invisible counselors… Read More
What is repentance?
A lot of people seem to think that repentance comes down to confessing what you did wrong and apologizing for… Read More
How Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?
Many people today see using porn as either harmless, or at least a victimless crime. In reality, it is addictive… Read More
Our Marriage Story and the NOT so Newlywed Game
Introducing VLOGS! I’m excited to announce that we’re going to be mixing things up on the LOP blog by adding… Read More
3 Obstacles Every Married Couple Needs to Overcome
The other day I was telling my coworker stories from the early days of my marriage. It was one of… Read More
What Does It Mean to Love Ourselves?
(This is the final blog in our Month of KYLO series! If you’re reading Keep Your Love On with us,… Read More
Who’s in Your “God Spot”?
(This is the third blog in our Month of KYLO series! If you’re reading Keep Your Love On with us,… Read More
Why Jesus Told Us to Ask, Seek, and Knock
(This is the third blog in our Month of KYLO series! If you’re reading Keep Your Love On with us,… Read More
The Most Important Transition We Can Make
(This is the second blog in our Month of KYLO series! If you’re reading Keep Your Love On with us,… Read More
Let’s Start 2019 With 3 Powerful Choices
This is the first blog in our Month of KYLO series! If you’re reading Keep Your Love On with us,… Read More
Roses, Thorns, and Love Champions
Most evenings in the Silk/Serpell household, we do something called “Rose and Thorn.” Each family member takes a turn sharing… Read More
The Power of the Shared YES
2,000 years ago, the time came for God to unveil His great plan for saving humanity. He begins by showing… Read More
Millennials, Messy Relationships, and the Mystery of the Incarnation
3 Christmas Lessons on Love Earlier this year, I sat down with a group of young adults to talk to… Read More
A Recipe For Healthy Relationships
“Have you read Keep Your Love On?” If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve asked this question… Read More
The Power of Emotional “Response-ability”
In the early years of our marriage, confrontations between Sheri and me usually involved her turning into a T-rex and… Read More
The Most Important Role in a Confrontation – 4 Tips for being a Great Listener
When it comes to confrontation, I have a rule of thumb that has proved itself to be true over and… Read More
What Do You Do When a Confrontation Doesn’t Go Well? – 3 Powerful Questions to Ask Ourselves
Last week’s blog on the 4 Parts of a Successful Confrontation prompted many people to ask the questions I hear… Read More
The 4 Parts of a Successful Confrontation – How to Resolve Issues Hurting Relationships
When we hear the word “confrontation,” a lot of us probably think of a scenario involving: High levels of anxiety… Read More
Do You Even Meditate? Introducing Guided Meditations with Soultime
In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis wrote: . . . the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do… Read More
“What Belongs in a Healthy Dating Relationship?” – Applying the 7 Pillars to Your Dating Life
Compatibility. Common goals. Chemistry. If you’re dating, or single and looking to date, these are probably high on the list… Read More
How to Protect Your Marriage from Disconnection Pitfalls – 3 Ingredients Every Relationship Needs to Stay Strong
Every marriage has disconnection pitfalls—issues that are sensitive to navigate together because they touch our deepest needs, longings, insecurities, and… Read More
Questions for Jesus – Introducing Tony Stoltzfus
Hey everyone! Meet the man, the myth, the legend—Tony Stoltzfus. Tony is a brilliant leadership coach who helps people overcome… Read More
How to Find the Pathway to Powerful – 3 Keys to Growing in the Practice of Self-Awareness
When I first read Keep Your Love On, I had been married for over ten years. My husband and I… Read More
What is the Source of Truth and Healing? – If You’re Passionate About Healthy Relationships You Should Be Passionate About This.
[God’s] the only person who belongs at the core of your heart and spirit. Nobody else knows you and loves… Read More
How Can We Create the Momentum to Thrive? – 3 Keys to Breaking Bad Relational Habits
Here is a truth we all instinctively know, but probably don’t consider enough: Whatever becomes habitual in our lives and… Read More
The Key to Accomplishing the Most Important Things in Your Life
How long is your “been-meaning-to” list? You know—the list of things you have been meaning to do, but haven’t quite… Read More
4 Steps to Overcome Dating Hang-ups. . . and Become a Healed, Powerful Lover
For many people today, dating and preparing for marriage exposes the reality that they have wounds and hang-ups in their… Read More
4 Keys to Overcoming Encouragement Deficit
Our need and desire for encouragement in life is inborn. We come into the world helpless and unable to do… Read More
Thinking About Getting Married? Do This First
The Defining the Relationship eCourse is officially live and available through The Life Academy! This eCourse is for: Anyone single,… Read More
4 Bad Reasons and 4 Good Reasons for Getting Married
When a couple tells me they’re getting married, I don’t automatically offer congratulations and blessings. That may sound harsh, but… Read More
What Does Heaven on Earth Look Like? – 4 Truths That Help Us Toward Perfect Love
“Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10) When you hear “heaven… Read More
Are There Two Powerful People in Your Dating Relationship? – 3 Ways to Prepare for a Successful Marriage
Over the years, I’ve had many married couples end up in my office who are living in disconnection. Throughout the… Read More
Why Do We Need to “Define the Relationship”?
For many Christians who are dating or hoping to date and get married, the task of “defining the relationship” can… Read More
What We Need Most in 2018 – 4 Keys to a Year of Courage
2017 was a tumultuous year. For some of us, the change and upheaval were fun and exhilarating. For others, they… Read More
Remembering What “Peace on Earth” Means
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Luke 2:14)… Read More
The Gift of Discernment – 3 Guiding Principles for How to Use It
As I have traveled and taught all over the world this last year, it’s become clear to me that one… Read More
The Holidays: A Time to Strengthen Connection
Happy Thanksgiving! The holidays are here. Let’s be real. The best and the hardest thing about the holidays is that… Read More
What Tool Set Are You Using? – 3 Ways to Move from Self-Protection to Connection
A couple of years ago, I spoke with a wonderful couple who found themselves struggling with occasional disconnection. In our… Read More
Heart Check Before You Heart Wreck – 3 Moments to Stop Ourselves When We’re Listening to Fear
Practically every day, we experience triggering moments in which we encounter something that wants to make us feel scared, angry,… Read More
3 Commitments that Help Us Move from Fear to Love
The real substance of life is not found in the jobs or accolades or anything else we try to make… Read More
Keeping Our Love on in a Climate of Fear – 5 Keys to Managing Ourselves Toward the Goal of Connection
What brings out the worst in human beings? The answer is fear. We live in a climate of fear in… Read More
Be a Grocery Store, Not the City Dump – 5 Ways to Preserve Compassion with Boundaries
Is it a good thing to be someone people often come to for help with their problems? The answer is… Read More
When NOT to Take Away the Pain – 4 Ways to Avoid Being the Fix-it Friend
In his recent interview with Oprah on her show, Super Soul Sunday, W. Paul Young told the story of how… Read More
The Root of All Relational Problems – 3 Keys to Help People Move From Mistrust to Trust
At the core of every person’s heart is the same desire: to love and be unconditionally loved in return. To… Read More
Offering “Help” that Actually Helps – 5 Steps to Help Others Clean Up Their Messes
When we see a person we love in the middle of a mess they’ve made, many of us have the… Read More
Breaking Up With a Broken Relationship – 7 Warning Signs That It’s Time to End Your Dating Relationship
It always bums me out when I see singles, especially those who have been waiting a while to find a… Read More
The Power of Asking – 6 Reasons Effective Leaders Use Questions to Confront
As a leader or parent, we have the privilege and responsibility to confront those we are leading when we see… Read More
Your Mistakes Don’t Scare Me – 5 Steps to Overcome Fear of Others’ Failure
If you are a leader or a parent, you can with certainty expect one thing: you will experience and be… Read More
Do You Know How to Keep Your Love On?
The most important thing we can do with our lives is to build and cultivate relationships that last, and use… Read More
Relational Intelligence – Recognizing and Protecting Levels of Intimacy
This might be news to you, but not everyone should have the same access to you. For many Christians, this… Read More
Cleaning Up the Mess of Betrayal – 3 Steps Toward Restoring Trust and Connection
Fear and love are enemies. Nowhere do we see this clearer than when betrayal has torn a connection apart, and… Read More
Can I Help You? – 5 Steps for Empowering People to Solve Problems
Have you ever noticed that some people ask for help, but they don’t really want to change? It can be… Read More
How to Keep Your Love On in the Midst of Betrayal
(This is class one of the newest track of The Life Academy, Culture & Conversations) When Ben Armstrong confessed his infidelity… Read More
Relational Intelligence – 3 Approaches to Protect Healthy Communication
The healthiest style of communication is called assertive communication.  Assertive communicators bring high levels of respect and responsibility to their… Read More
Fear of the Truth – 5 Classic Signs that Reveal Hidden Fear
Communication exposes what is going on inside the human heart. Jesus said, “For out of the abundance of the heart… Read More
Learning How to Fight Fair – 11 Tips for Building a Conflict-Resilient Connection
When two people choose to walk together in relationship, there is never a question of whether or not they will… Read More
Relational Intelligence – The 7 Pillars of Healthy Relationships
Human relationships truly are the most valuable, meaningful, and satisfying  of human experiences. But what are the qualities that make… Read More
Can I Trust You? – The Most Successful Way to Break the Cycle of Powerlessness
Why do powerless people create patterns of manipulation, broken communication, and dysfunction in relationships?  Fundamentally, it comes down to a… Read More
Powerless Relational Dynamics – The Victim, the Bad Guy, and the Rescuer
The classic relational dynamic created by powerless people is called triangulation. When you believe that other people are scary, unsafe,… Read More
“It’s Not My Fault” – Recognizing a Powerless Mindset
If you are around children any amount of time, you’ll probably hear a familiar phrase during disagreements: “It’s not my… Read More
Relational Intelligence – 8 Traits of Powerful People
If you heard someone described as a powerful person, you might assume he or she would be the loudest person… Read More
“Can We Talk?” – 6 Steps to Start a Conversation When You’re Disconnected
No one sets out to be disconnected in their marriage. However, we can easily end up there when we allow… Read More
Will I Always Be Single? – How to Handle Valentine’s Day Disappointment
Valentine’s Day has passed, and for many singles, that’s a relief. This annual celebration of romantic love and marriage can… Read More
The Perfect Gift – What She Really Wants for Valentine’s Day
Every man in a relationship knows the real pressure he faces around this time every year: “How do I find… Read More
Keep Your Marriage On – 3 Ways to Turn Love Back on in Your Marriage
When a bride and groom look at each other on their wedding day, it’s easy for them to imagine that… Read More
Is there a “Right One?” – 6 Indicators of a Healthy Relationship
Many romantic movies are based on the fantasy of meeting “the one.” As fun as it may be to watch… Read More
The Myth of Falling in Love Busted – 5 Declarations of Chosen Love in Marriage
Falling in love. The term is so widely used we may not have stopped to consider its implication that love… Read More
Relational Intelligence – The Top 7 Habits of Relationally Intelligent People
The joy of marriage The birth of a child The thrill of falling in love The excitement when your team… Read More
The Number One Quality for Successful Relationships – The Secret to Thriving in 2017
New Years is a time to celebrate growth–to be grateful for the steps we’ve made in the past twelve months,… Read More
Intimacy – 5 Ways to Give the Gift of Loving Connection
One of the greatest gifts we can ever give or be given is the gift of loving, committed relationship. To… Read More
Win 4 Courses @ The Life Academy for Free!
It’s the Life Academy’s ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I launched The Life Academy to simply empower people to overcome fear, learn… Read More
The Top Priority of Leadership, Part 2 – Freedom: What is true Biblical freedom?
A few weeks ago, I introduced the idea that Holy-Spirit-led leadership fosters high levels of freedom and safety in an… Read More
Thanksgiving: An Opportunity for Connection – How to REALLY Connect With Family During the Holidays
A warm fire, the smell of turkey in the oven, and smiling friends and family around the dinner table. A… Read More
Kite Strings of Connection – 5 Keys to Build A Heart Connection with Your Child
Within seconds after birth as you hold your child in your arms and look into those precious eyes, you know… Read More
Feedback is Essential! Do you know how to give it?
Feedback is essential for every one of us. We simply cannot grow and build meaningful connections if we don’t hear… Read More
Let It Go – Forgiveness is a non-negotiable
Forgiveness is an intricate part of covenant. If we are going to practice covenant, we must practice forgiveness, and covenant… Read More
The Power of a Yes – What boundaries are you needing?
Jesus set boundaries in his relationships. Let that sink in. For many Christians, this is difficult to grasp. We have… Read More
Keys to Successful Communication – 3 ways to up your communication skills
We all want to be better communicators. However, when you have been accustomed to communicating in a specific way, it… Read More
And the Winners are…
First, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the giveaway! We had a BIG… Read More
Win a Free LA Membership!
I’ve been so happy with the feedback we’ve received from members of the Life Academy and how it’s helping people… Read More
Becoming Powerful People: Part Four – One Easy Way to Be Powerful Today
Welcome to part 4 of our series on How to Become a Powerful Person. Over the last few weeks we have… Read More
How to Become a Powerful Person: Part Three – Qualities of a Powerful Person
This is part 3 of a 4 part series on how to become powerful people. If you haven’t had the… Read More
Becoming a Powerful Person: Part Two – Spotting Powerless Relational Dynamics
This is part 2 of a 4 part series on how to become powerful people. In part 1, we discussed 4 ways… Read More
How to Become a Powerful Person: Part One – 4 Ways to Spot Powerlessness.
In order to be able to make and keep the commitments involved with enduring, intimate relationships, you need to be… Read More
Put Your Mask On First – The ironic secret to powerful relationships.
YOUR LIFE IS A GIFT FROM GOD TO YOU. IT HAS INFINITE VALUE TO HIM, WHICH HE COMMUNICATES TO YOU… Read More
Forgiveness is a Big Deal
Forgiveness is so important in life. But it’s not always seen that way, especially when we are hurt, disillusioned or scared.… Read More
Anniversary Sale: 33% Off The Life Academy!
Today, we’re celebrating two things (and giving away ONE REALLY fun gift)! 1) My wife & I are celebrating our… Read More
Facts Don’t Get You to Connection
When we are just getting to know someone, our conversations are usually centered on the world around us. We exchange… Read More
Agreement Isn’t The Point
Some people think that talking is communicating. But talking is not communicating unless it has a goal, a purpose. Most… Read More
Keep Your Love On Book
Keep Your Love On – Book VIEW IN STORE
¡Manten Encendido Tu Amor! – Paperback (En Espanol)
VIEW IN STORE
Defining the Relationship (DTR) Workbook & Audio
VIEW IN STORE
Trust – A leap of faith
Trust is something that has never come naturally to me, even as a child. I have always suspected that people… Read More
Strong Love – Learning to trust
Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking, “I trust you but…?” Any time a “but” precedes the words “I… Read More
Valentine’s Day – Keys to building relationships
‘Tis the season once again when we encourage a nation to love. I’m not even sure how a national holiday… Read More
Extravagant Love – What does it look like?
I’ve been thinking about the extravagance of God’s love. The definition of extravagant is exceeding what is reasonable or appropriate;… Read More
Cultura De Honor (Culture of Honor – Spanish)
En este poderoso libro repleto de revelación, Danny Silk describe el significativo cambio de paradigma en la vida de la… Read More
I’m Grateful – What really matters
I recently read an article about Steve Jobs and his last words, I was once again reminded to value the lasting… Read More
Love is all you need…NOT! – A Hard Learned Lesson
Love is all you need. That’s not true. I’m not sure when I started believing that, but I did. I… Read More
Tis’ the Season to KYLO – Take a moment to step back
“Tis the Season to KYLO” it may not be as obvious as you would think. For some this is the… Read More

Family

Coaching to Navigate the Winding Road of Life
The town where I grew up sits on a highway—299 East. This road is full of challenges—twists, turns, logging trucks,… Read More
Lost and Found
In Luke 15, Jesus tells three parables about “lost” things—a lost sheep, a lost coin, and a lost son. In… Read More
What Do I Mean By “Unpunishable”?
It’s been over fifteen years since I introduced the term “unpunishable” in teaching about how we are called to view… Read More
How Can We Talk to Our Kids About Sex without Shame?
Becoming the primary guide and educator for our children around healthy, biblical sexuality is so important. In today’s vlog, I… Read More
What to Do When Your Child Pushes the “Big Red Button”
Recently, my 6-year-old daughter has gotten into a very bad habit—lying. Let me just tell you, lying is my big… Read More
What to Do When Our Kids Give Us Feedback
Lately I’ve been learning a lot about feedback and how important it is for our relationships. Feedback gives us an… Read More
Sleepless Nights and Other Daily Sacrifices
It’s another normal night at the Johnsons. I awaken to my wife, Becky, shaking my shoulder. “The baby is awake.”… Read More
Coffee, Kids, and Crazy
Coffee. Kids. Crazy. Most parents experience these things within the first few hours of the morning. If you’re like me,… Read More
A Crucial Key to Becoming Our Best Selves – The Power of People Speaking Into Our Blind Spots
I want to become the best version of me. This is the heart cry of so many of us—that we… Read More
Where to Find Hope When You’re Feeling Helpless and Hopeless in a Relationship – Why We’re Passionate about Family Coaching
When we were still in the early years of our marriage, a newlywed couple met with us and told us… Read More
5 Guidelines For Parenting Your Kids On Sexuality – Teaching Our Kids The Path To Health, Power, Freedom, And Beauty In This Area Of Life
Guideline #1: Accept that the world your kids are growing up in is open about sexuality. It’s your job to… Read More
How Do You Talk to Your Pre-Teen About Sex? – A Story of Being Honest with My Child in this Important Area of Life
I remember asking my daughter Delani if she knew what sex was when she was about nine years old. We… Read More
How to Keep the End in Mind as You Parent – 5 Ways to Hold on to the Priority of Connection with Your Kids
Do you find yourself getting stuck in “task” mode as you parent your kids? It’s so easy for the daily… Read More
When and When NOT to Use “My Way or the Highway” as a Parent
When my oldest daughter, Delani, was four, Ben and I took her to check out the new playground at the… Read More
How Do We Raise Kids to Change the World? – 4 Key Practices for Growing Tomorrow’s Leaders
The following article is by Dr. Kirk Elliot CEO of J2911 Holdings and is an excerpt from our Parenting on… Read More
Want to Teach Your Kids to Be Fun? Have Some Fun Yourself – Lessons from a Crazy Car Ride Home
Ah, the beginning of the school year—the time when our kids are finally forced to remember everything they forgot over… Read More
3 Parenting Power-Struggle Pitfalls and 3 Tools to Navigate Through Them
Power struggles come with the territory of parenting. Before they can even talk, the awesome little people we have the… Read More
Maintain Instead of Repair – 5 Parenting Tips to Prevent a Disconnect
As parents, our number-one goal should be to build and nurture a healthy heart-to-heart connection with our kids. However, life… Read More
Your Mistakes Don’t Scare Me – 5 Steps to Overcome Fear of Others’ Failure
If you are a leader or a parent, you can with certainty expect one thing: you will experience and be… Read More
Breaking Up with “Because I Said So” – 3 Ways to move from Compliance to Powerful
“Because I said so!” It is likely that if you have a parent, have been a parent, or are currently… Read More
Terribly Terrific Twos – 3 Ways to Keep Your Cool During the Toddler Years
Are the terrible twos real? Well, if we want them to be, maybe.  Lack of vocabulary, grandiose demands, and a… Read More
Kite Strings of Connection – 5 Keys to Build A Heart Connection with Your Child
Within seconds after birth as you hold your child in your arms and look into those precious eyes, you know… Read More
The Priority of Connection – Perfect parenting is overrated!
Our forth track in the Life Academy, The Priority of Connection, is live! In this track, we go after the pressure… Read More
And the Winners are…
First, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the giveaway! We had a BIG… Read More
Win a Free LA Membership!
I’ve been so happy with the feedback we’ve received from members of the Life Academy and how it’s helping people… Read More
Share the Power – Becoming a student of your child
It takes time, attention and wisdom. We need to become students of who our kids are. The best way to… Read More
Guidelines to Choices – Giving life tools to your children
There are basically 3 guidelines for setting limits with choices. Choices are a way for us to empower our children.… Read More
Becoming a Family of World Changers – It all starts at home
The following article is by Dr. Kirk Elliot CEO if J2911 Holdings and is an excerpt from our Parenting on… Read More
Parenting Sexuality – The art of developing a healthy sexual culture
The follow article was written by Kris Vallotton, author of Fashioned to Reign and Moral Revolution. The Sexual Revolution that… Read More
How To Parent By Participation – Every child is unique
The article below is by Wm. Paul Young. Pulled from our Parenting with Purpose eBook. I have visited South Korea… Read More
Building Connection with Your Children – Keys to creating a lifelong bond
When my parents got married, became believers, and had children, they agreed that they didn’t want to repeat the mistakes… Read More
Parenting is About Modeling – 5 Values to Instill in Your Kids
The following thoughts are from Bill Johnson, the senior leader of Bethel Church and author of When Heaven Invades Earth,… Read More
How to Love Our Adult Children With Purpose…. Because living with their choices isn’t always easy
In December 2009, I released the book Loving Our Kids On Purpose. It continues to be a bestseller for my… Read More
Parenting with Purpose – 6 Ways to Raise Powerful Children
I recently asked some of my favorite leaders & thinkers for their greatest piece of parenting advice. My intention was to put… Read More
Anniversary Sale: 33% Off The Life Academy!
Today, we’re celebrating two things (and giving away ONE REALLY fun gift)! 1) My wife & I are celebrating our… Read More

Leadership

Why do we love punishment so much?
Hey everyone! This is the 3rd week of our vlog series on Unpunishable. I subtitled the book “Ending Our Love… Read More
The Punishment Paradigm
All humans learn at a young age that mistakes deserve punishment. When we confront someone for wrongdoing, the classic goal… Read More
Our Love Affair With Punishment
Welcome to 2020—a new year and a new decade! What a great time to reset, refocus, and reengage in our… Read More
The Father’s Solution to Our Problem
Over the years, I have had the difficult privilege of sitting down with many people—leaders, husbands, wives, coworkers, and friends—who… Read More
Gratitude and the Risk of Joy
One of the most fascinating stories about thankfulness in the Bible is Luke’s account of Jesus healing the ten lepers:… Read More
Lost and Found
In Luke 15, Jesus tells three parables about “lost” things—a lost sheep, a lost coin, and a lost son. In… Read More
What Do I Mean By “Unpunishable”?
It’s been over fifteen years since I introduced the term “unpunishable” in teaching about how we are called to view… Read More
Influencing Culture
People today constantly talk about “building” and “influencing” culture without having a clear idea of what that actually means. It’s… Read More
How can we demonstrate Authenticity?
As leaders, authenticity is essential for winning authority and trust in people’s lives. Being authentic means showing people who we… Read More
How to create a culture that empowers people
In this video, my good friends, Bill Johnson & Kris Vallotton, and I explore how to create a culture that… Read More
Why is it important to keep the dreams of others in your heart?
One of the most important things we can do to hold up our half of a healthy relationship is to… Read More
How to develop your personal vision
Powerful people live by responding to vision rather than reacting to pain. A clear personal vision creates the point in… Read More
What is the spirit of division in our society?
The spirit of the age thrives on conflict, competition, and division. Believers in Jesus are called to operate from a… Read More
How can we honor leaders we disagree with?
Do we have to honor leaders with whom we disagree? If so, how do we do that? In this vlog,… Read More
The Greenhouse Effect: 3 Steps to Develop a Strong Team Culture
I strongly believe that a leader’s primary responsibility is to establish and protect the culture of their family, team, or… Read More
The Power of a Feedback-Loving Team
Recently, I dropped by a team member’s office for an impromptu conversation that went something like this: “Hey, can I… Read More
If You Want to Change a Culture, Start Here
Some time ago, Kelsey, one of my direct reports, came to see me in absolute frustration with a co-leader on… Read More
Introducing Carla Chud and The Pathway to Powerful
Over the last ten years, countless leaders have told me that they have, or aspire to have, a “culture of… Read More
The Pathway to Powerful – Book
In 2014, Carla Chud joined the executive leadership team of her church following a corporate wakeup call: The organization was… Read More
How Do You Know You’re a Leader?
3 Essential Qualities of a Call to Leadership Every leader has their own journey into leadership. To paraphrase Shakespeare, some… Read More
Women, Lead as You
At some point, every women leader I know has discovered that people have certain expectations—often very contradictory expectations—of how she… Read More
Paying the Price of Personal Growth
Why Facing Fear Pays off for Us, our Teams, and our Organizations Some time ago, the CEO of a mid-size… Read More
What Do You Believe about Problems, People, and Possibilities?
In my previous two blogs, I shared 3 lessons on building communities of courage and 3 insights to empower and… Read More
3 Insights for Empowering People – Primary Focus Areas For Every Leader
In my previous blog, we looked at the 3 secrets to a courageous community. Today I want to do a… Read More
3 Lessons on Building a Courageous Community – What I Learned as a Leader from a Man with Down Syndrome
For a season, I pastored a small church in North Carolina. When I booked the local pool for our church… Read More
Managing Conflict and Protecting Trust in the Workplace – Why Leaders Must Empower their Team Members to Resolve Issues
“This isn’t working! I am so frustrated! Trying to work with her is impossible when she has no value for… Read More
Leaders, If You Want to Build an Honoring Culture, Do This – Why Protecting Connection in Your Own Life Must Come First
(an excerpt from The Business of Honor) Dishonor is not usually something we actively choose—it is our default choice driven… Read More
The Myth of the Perfect Leader – Establishing Culture Through Vulnerability and Authenticity
At our church, I lead a team of over 20 staff and volunteer leaders. One of my key responsibilities is… Read More
The Core Value of Honor – Leading with the Father’s Heart, Part 3
In the previous two blogs in this series, we explored two core values: We are made for freedom. We are… Read More
The Core Value of Connection – Leading with the Father’s Heart, Part 2
In Part 1 of this blog series, I talked about the first of three core values we must carry to… Read More
The Core Value of Freedom – Leading with the Father’s Heart, Part 1
Jesus came to reveal the heart of the Father, to restore us to the Father, and to model what it… Read More
“Is This Just Me, or Is It God?” – The Surprising Answer to the #1 Question About Hearing God’s Voice
What’s your biggest question about the process of hearing God’s voice? When I’ve asked groups this over the years, their… Read More
Getting Out of the Business of Prayer – Using Questions for Jesus to Start the Conversation He Wants to Have with You
A few years back, I made one simple change in the way I pray—and my percentage of answered prayer went… Read More
Business of Honor
Buy Now Honor is the art of stewarding relationships well. Business is all about relationships, and every day at work… Read More
What We Need Most in 2018 – 4 Keys to a Year of Courage
2017 was a tumultuous year. For some of us, the change and upheaval were fun and exhilarating. For others, they… Read More
4 Core Values of Honoring Business Leaders
On several occasions, I’ve heard Danny tell a story about a meeting he attended with a group of leaders in… Read More
3 Fears We Must Overcome in Business
I think of business as an ecosystem of relationships. Honor in business is all about stewarding these relationships well—both the… Read More
3 Reasons Spiritual Identity Matters in Business
(These thoughts are inspired by my upcoming book with Danny Silk, The Business of Honor, which is available for pre-order… Read More
Why I Wrote a Book on Honor in Business with Danny Silk
Most of my professional life has been devoted to “behind the scenes” work. When people ask me what I do,… Read More
Coming in December: The Business of Honor
In 2009, I published Culture of Honor. The central question I tried to answer in that book was this: “What… Read More
3 Commitments that Help Us Move from Fear to Love
The real substance of life is not found in the jobs or accolades or anything else we try to make… Read More
Be a Grocery Store, Not the City Dump – 5 Ways to Preserve Compassion with Boundaries
Is it a good thing to be someone people often come to for help with their problems? The answer is… Read More
When NOT to Take Away the Pain – 4 Ways to Avoid Being the Fix-it Friend
In his recent interview with Oprah on her show, Super Soul Sunday, W. Paul Young told the story of how… Read More
Offering “Help” that Actually Helps – 5 Steps to Help Others Clean Up Their Messes
When we see a person we love in the middle of a mess they’ve made, many of us have the… Read More
The Power of Asking – 6 Reasons Effective Leaders Use Questions to Confront
As a leader or parent, we have the privilege and responsibility to confront those we are leading when we see… Read More
Your Mistakes Don’t Scare Me – 5 Steps to Overcome Fear of Others’ Failure
If you are a leader or a parent, you can with certainty expect one thing: you will experience and be… Read More
The First Step to Successful Leadership – 6 Qualities of a Healthy Follower
We live in an age/culture where people have a weird, schizophrenic relationship with authority. We deeply distrust it, and yet… Read More
Be the Leader Everyone Wants to Follow – 5 Top Qualities of Healthy Leaders
A core mission of Loving on Purpose is to train healthy leaders who can develop a healthy relational culture among… Read More
Cleaning Up the Mess of Betrayal – 3 Steps Toward Restoring Trust and Connection
Fear and love are enemies. Nowhere do we see this clearer than when betrayal has torn a connection apart, and… Read More
Can I Help You? – 5 Steps for Empowering People to Solve Problems
Have you ever noticed that some people ask for help, but they don’t really want to change? It can be… Read More
How to Keep Your Love On in the Midst of Betrayal
(This is class one of the newest track of The Life Academy, Culture & Conversations) When Ben Armstrong confessed his infidelity… Read More
The Dreams of Kings ​- Giving the Gift of Influence
2,000 years ago in Bethlehem, a dream came true–a dream that lived in the heart of God before the foundation… Read More
The Top Priority of Leadership, Part 3 – What is a Safe Place?
This is the third of my three-part blog on the top priority of leadership. Every leader who wants to be… Read More
Win 4 Courses @ The Life Academy for Free!
It’s the Life Academy’s ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I launched The Life Academy to simply empower people to overcome fear, learn… Read More
The Top Priority of Leadership, Part 2 – Freedom: What is true Biblical freedom?
A few weeks ago, I introduced the idea that Holy-Spirit-led leadership fosters high levels of freedom and safety in an… Read More
The Priorities of Leadership – Creating a safe place
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” 2 Corinthians 3:17… Read More
Receiving Feedback – Are you willing to make adjustments?
When establishing and maintaining an environment of honor, I am not only responsible to give good feedback and engage others… Read More
Feedback is Essential! Do you know how to give it?
Feedback is essential for every one of us. We simply cannot grow and build meaningful connections if we don’t hear… Read More
Confrontation in Leadership – What if it’s not working?
One of the goals of confrontation is to restore a connection in your relationship. In a confrontation, we are looking… Read More
Women, We Are Powerful and Free! What will you do with it?
Proverbs 28:1 tells us that “…the righteous are bold as a lion. “ On the day of Pentecost, when the… Read More
Effective vs. Ineffective Forms of Confrontation – What environment are you creating around you?
As leaders, it is our responsibility to create an environment where people feel honored, and therefore, safe to be confronted.… Read More
The Power of Our Words – Using our words to honor
In a culture of honor, leaders lead by courageously treating people according to the names God gives them and not… Read More
Demonstrating Honor – Freedom, Relationships, and Destiny
During  my years in Weaverville, at Mountian Chapel church with Bill Johnson, and others, I don’t  remember ever hearing a… Read More
The Power of a Yes – What boundaries are you needing?
Jesus set boundaries in his relationships. Let that sink in. For many Christians, this is difficult to grasp. We have… Read More
What Does Honor Look Like? Fruit to look for in the culture you are creating around you
Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I talk about the “culture of honor” every time someone… Read More
And the Winners are…
First, I want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the giveaway! We had a BIG… Read More
Win a Free LA Membership!
I’ve been so happy with the feedback we’ve received from members of the Life Academy and how it’s helping people… Read More
Three Strengths of a Great Leader – In a time when leaders are needed
I’ve been traveling around for the last 15 years. In those years I have had the privilege of meeting some… Read More
Preview the Life Academy: Leadership Track!
Enjoy this preview of The Life Academy: Leadership Track, our third eCourse! Regardless of whether your title says leadership or not,… Read More
How to Create a Culture That Empowers People
In this video, my good friends, Bill Johnson & Kris Vallotton, and I explore how to create a culture that… Read More
Parenting is About Modeling – 5 Values to Instill in Your Kids
The following thoughts are from Bill Johnson, the senior leader of Bethel Church and author of When Heaven Invades Earth,… Read More
Culture of Honor – Book
Too often, the practice of honor in our modern culture is a lost art. Restoring a culture of honor to… Read More
Anniversary Sale: 33% Off The Life Academy!
Today, we’re celebrating two things (and giving away ONE REALLY fun gift)! 1) My wife & I are celebrating our… Read More
Practice of Honor – Workbook
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Powerful and Free – Book
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Embracing Each Season – Being present in the journey
Have you even been somewhere in summer, where it was so hot that you wished that it was winter? Or it… Read More
Hope Is Necessary! – A Driving Force
Is a word of action. It has power over all other options!! It should always be the loudest sound in… Read More
The Power of Encouragement – Why it is so essential
We just can’t get enough of it, and there is always a shortage. Supply and demand dictates the value and… Read More

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